Something I've been thinking about.

I like people. They're my family, my friends, my co-workers. They are the people in the store, in the restaurant, the guy serving me food, and the one that just cut me off in the lane. But for the most part, I still like them in all their grotesque ways. In general, I have pretty difficult time disliking someone. I've always attributed this to the fact that I wasn't very popular back when I was a kid, and now that people actually like to have me around, that I in turn just try to always give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Who knows ... maybe they're the old me, just looking for someone to appreciate them.

So, you'll just have to believe me at this point that I am not singling anyone out here, but I have been told by numerous people that I am "too nice." I didn't even know this existed. I mean, you always hear about this in those cheesy romantic comedies. It reminds me a bit of "Anger Management": Sandler's character holds all his hate in throughout the movie and is always ok with everything that is happening to him, and people take advantage of him left and right. So, by the end, he's "cured" of this and he's punking his boss and smacking his girlfriend's ex-bfs around.

But that's not me. I don't feel hatred inside me because the other guy is getting what he/she wants, and I'm just giving it to them and not getting it back. I don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I don't feel like beating up people because they're getting their way, and I'm not. When someone wants something, I can do one of two things: make it happen, or not make it happen. Then, I look at whether or not the thing in question will matter to me one way or another. Most of the time: not a bit. So, what you have is: something that matters to the other person, doesn't matter one way or another to me, and I have the power to make them happy by doing it. Why wouldn't I want to?

But then you have to decide: am I being taken advantage of? Well, I guess I wouldn't do it if that's what I thought, so I can't be an accurate judge of that. The beautiful part about doing things for everyone else is that it makes me happy. There are obviously things that I want for myself, but a lot of times, when I can do something for someone and make them happy, then THAT is what makes me happy. I'm not losing out. I'm getting exactly what I wanted.

So then I hear, "Stand up for yourself!" and "Do what you want!" I agree that if you deny yourself everything, that you're not going to be able to live a very productive life, but at the same time, don't "love your neighbor as yourself" and "turn the other cheek" make some sort of appearance here? Is that just not viable in today's world? Is there so much of a risk of being duped into doing things for someone who doesn't deserve it that you shouldn't take a chance at all?

I'm not sure how I would be able to change the way I am, but I don't feel like I need to. If it comes down to being taken advantage of, or accidentally helping someone that's really in need, I think I'd like to err on the side of too nice. I can't really see how this is a flaw in me, but maybe it's just because I'm biased to the good feeling I get after doing someone a favor (or 3). I'm not totally sure, but I get the feeling that I won't hear God say, "Karl, you're being too nice. Quit that."

I've got a backbone. It's just extremely flexible.