Friday, April 28, 2006

The put-down that isn't.

I got in a little forum feud with a guy just for laughs. He and I do this kind of thing all the time. When he started asking for my age randomly, I should have known something was up.


I kinda like the message. Except the "rated R" part. And the "Better Late than Never" part. OK OK, so I pretty much am just a big fan of crappy photoshopping with my face on it.

I love Confucious.

Confucious say: Man who run behind bus, exhausted.

Man who run in front of bus, tired.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Way to start the day.

Yesterday, Jonathon (Johnny Magic) called me and asked me to do him a favor. He's out of town on a job, and wanted me to take a couple of red roses to his wife today for her birthday. "Ooook, I can do that."

So somehow last night while Michael, Scott and I were celebrating being done with Scott's senior recital, I remembered to get them. I went and picked her up for work this morning, and had them in the passenger seat. She comes out and says, "What IS this?" Quickly I say, "They're a birthday present from Jonathon!" "Oh. That's sweet. I thought you were trying to romance me or something."

AWKWARD CITY.

Monday, April 24, 2006

I'm finally getting to this now that the craze died down.

Click here yon readers of the blog.

It's my own Johari window. And I'm going to be crazy and do the other one, too.

The Nohari window of doom!

Be gentle. *whimper* Actually I don't imagine as many people will do this one because it's just so hard to be openly critical. Although, maybe you guys are a bunch of hungry wolves.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Texas and Desirée

5 days ago began a terrific journey for one Desirée Burdette. She arrived in the lone star state of Texas and spent a lot of time with me. Heaven help her.

I took the whole day off on Wednesday so I could be at the airport on time (and I didn't want to go to work, so it was a nice plan in general). My mom answered one call from Desirée when she was leaving, and then I got the next call from her when she landed in Vegas. I could tell that she was already in quite the "ripe mood" as Desirée said. Please let the next step of her trip be better, I'm thinking. I took off way too early, and even with a stop or two, I still got there an hour ahead of schedule. Traffic schmaffic.

So, I'm sleeping in my car, and I get a phone call. Her plane has arrived a half hour early. That's beautiful news. "What gate are you coming out of?" "Just meet me at baggage claim." I try to explain that there are multiple baggage claims (hence the reason for the rant about D/FW airport being so retarded). Finally after wandering around, looking for disembarking planes, and asking a few people standing around, "Hey, where did you just fly in from?", Desirée calls again trying to find me. We're literally about 15 feet from each other. I can understand not being able to see HER, but really ... come on. How could she miss me?

If you check out Desirée's blog (www.blueridgemountaingirl.blogspot.com), you can read the exciting happenings before and up to her arrival in Texas, and know that things hadn't gotten any better in the 3 1/2 minutes after she had gotten off the plane. "If the zipper had broken on my bag, I wouldn't have even come." Ouch. That hurt me. Glad to know that her trip out to Texas was saved by the skin of her zipper teeth. (Yes, some of you have heard me tell this joke already, so shut up. It's good.)

Immediately upon leaving the airport we headed to the Galleria. Desirée needed (wanted?) some new dresses (one for the holy day, and one for the musical). She was amazingly efficient. I think she probably looked through a couple hundred dresses, picked hers out, and left in 45 minutes? 5 hours in man time. And of course, no trip is complete without accessory shopping. She caught me looking at the time on my cell phone a few times. Maybe I missed a call?

So, poor Desirée's stomach is eating itself, and we stop along the way home for our last leavening for a week. Dairy Queen won the bid and to my surprise, it ISN'T a Texas thing. I thought for sure that Dairy Queen was just backwoods hick fast food. I mean, this only applies to you Texans out there, but doesn't everyone remember all those DQ commericals done by the guy who hosts "Texas Country Reporter"? (A horrible show, to be sure). I didn't think a nationwide chain would allow certain places/states to do their own commercials for the restaurant. I felt betrayed. Desirée also questioned the validity of Texas toast, and why it was different than regular toast. All I know is that I know the difference between regular toast and Texas toast when I see it. I think it's more about how they butter it up and then just put it on a skillet surface for a little while so it's toasted but still really fluffy? Maybe Ben can help out on this one.

We head out and get to Tyler and pick up Stephen Kiepke, then head home. We've taken more time than we expected and now the cheesecake bake time is in jeopardy. We get home, everyone meets Desirée, and then she springs into action. I'm pulling out cooking utensils that I didn't know we owned or that existed. Oh, and when she said she didn't think I would know what a wisk was .. that hurt, too. And Desirée was definitely almost heartbroken when she saw the pitiful little glob of cheesecake in that huge pan. I knew we needed to go get some more cream cheese to make this all better. :) Long story short, it was quite tasty, and I've been munching on the leftovers the last couple nights. MINE! Oh, and we had lamb that evening. Ben and Sabrina Goodchild cooked and brought it. Sabrina said it was "freshly killed this morning." Me: "Hahahaha! *awkward silence* .. are you serious?" Yes, they were. I wondered why Sabrina wasn't eating much of it.

The next day, we get up lazily for the Holy Day (since there was only an afternoon service). I'm feverishly writing an arrangement to play for the offertory, and a little worried that I can't seem to ever remember the whole song all the way through. We had a great little breakfast (unleavened pancakes and sausage), and then eventually got ready and headed to church. As soon as we arrive, Ben, Seth, and Josh are headed out to our car. Quite the reception we got. Ben mugged me. Seth annoyed Desirée. Good times. The offertory went well. I somehow made it through it the one time it really mattered. Desirée put my offering in the basket (to the horror of Ben, who has done that job for me every time I've ever played offertory for the last 10 years).

That night we get together with the Havir clan. You have the parents, then David and Jonathon, and both their wives (one each I mean, not two for both). Trey and Brandi also drove up from Nacogdoches to come play cards with us. Desirée hated Pit, somewhat because I always traded her the "Bear" at the last second before someone went out, and then she'd be stuck with negative points. At the last hand, Desirée and I were tied at the bottom of the stack with -60 a piece. I mean, come on, you never know how things are going to go. I play this game a lot and I was a big a looooo-errr, I mean, I was tied at the bottom. So, one last time, I pass the bear to her at the last second to put me at 2nd to last. The table erupted with laughter (except from Desirée). Later, she got her revenge by slaughtering everyone in "Spit on your Neighbor", a game which she had never played before. Some may say it was because I was helping her (me being one of the "some"). Oh, and we made a Sonic run. Because you can't do without it.

Friday was a blow off day. We went into Tyler, ate Chinese buffet with David & Diana, and Trey & Brandi. We met a man there that we all knew from years ago, and he ended up buying our meal and not telling us. Well, we think our server told us, but it sounded like he was saying something about paying for a mirror. David was just like, "umm, alright." I guess he was actually telling us that he had paid for our meal. Bah. We didn't even get to thank him. Later when we got home, we were sitting around, and my dad says "I found a video tape of Karl playing the piano. Anyone want to see?" Desirée jumped at the chance. I didn't even remember recording myself playing. Wow. It was so long ago. I was kind of embarassed. I had just written my first song, and I think I played it on tape about 10 TIMES! I couldn't handle it after that. And MAN, did I look focused! I never get that way anymore. That evening, David & Diana and CASEY (CRAZY TALK) showed up for dinner. And by dinner, I mean they had already all eaten before they came and just sat and talked. We brought up stories that I hadn't thought about for a long long time. Casey and I talked about a bunch of old school projects we had done (lots and lots of video projects. We were idiots). We ripped out a picture that Casey had drawn about 10 years ago of me and him and a couple other friends, making fun of our most obvious traits. My picture had me standing there, with trees and mountains coming up to my shins, wearing a fanny pack and my diabetic necklace. Oh, the bad memories. Later that evening, Desirée and I were looking at online IQ tests. I have one thing to say. ALDNGNE.

Saturday rolls around. It's a lazy morning (that's the trend). We sit around on the back porch, her reading James, me reading the "Does God Heal?" booklet. We sit around for a long long time, and I finally decide to go get ready. Right after I get out of the shower, then Desirée goes and gets ready. Well, I'm not going to make a bad assumption one way or another, but something happened, and we pulled up to the church building with about 38 seconds before services started. Well, you know ... if they could start services without me. (I jest, my mom says that my dad was already asking her to get ready to play.) I am not in ANY way blaming Desirée for being almost late. Nope. Not doing it. Wouldn't think about it. OK, so that's what I told my dad.

After dinner we went out to Applebee's with Michael. We sat through the worst Long Island Ice Teas ever, and then went to a movie (Ice Age 2). As Desirée attested, it wasn't all that great. If you liked the first one, you'll probably live through this one. If you thought the first one was so-so, you'll never make it. Afterwards we dropped Michael off and sat out on the back porch and enjoyed the coolness of spring before it becomes ... well, Texas (it's not there yet. I laid out on the back porch last night and enjoyed the cool air coming off a late spring thunderstorm. I'm going to miss temperatures that range below 90+).

Sunday. Late morning, anyone? :) We got up, Desirée searched for a hairstyle online, then we went to Gilmer and checked in Wal-Mart for something she needed (it was actually open .. on Easter Sunday! Yay for Wal-Mart, catering to all us pagans). She didn't find what she wanted, but we DID see new Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper, so we both had to get one to find out what we were missing. While in line, we got to chat with a nicely dressed (as in, shirt and tie ... not so sure about that jacket and ensemble) older man who just ... decided to turn around and talk to us. That's southern hospitality for you (so Desirée tells me). Afterwards we got food from Taco Bell for lunch (where I spend a majority of my unleavened bread lunches when I'm not at home. Hello crunchy tacos). Then we went home, ate, and Desirée goes and says, "Do you have any more videos of Karl when he was younger?" Being the proud parent that she is, my mom dutifully trots off and finds some more. And what's worse is I'm doing gymnastics in this one! EM-BARASSING. I lived through it.

About this time we have to get ready to go. Desirée gets ready first (as evidenced by a blog entry a couple down) and then I get ready. She looks spectacular in her glittery new dress, and I'm tuxed up, so I'm hoping I looked good enough to match her. There's really no going above and beyond a tux ... it's at the top of the clothing food group. We get all packed up and take off, and then about 5 minutes down the road, I slam on the brakes and say, "Greeeeeeeat." "Are you being pulled over?" Oh, no ... that would have been less embarassing. I forgot the tickets for the musical at home. Soooo, we turn around and head back to the house. I only get laughed at a little by the folks. Then we take off again. About the same place in the road 5 minutes away, I hit the brakes again and yell "GAAAAAAAH!" Desirée turns and looks at me in disbelief. "Just kidding," I say. I was pretty proud of that.

We go to a little French restaurant in a nice quiet part of Dallas (they exist). We go in, I tell the host that we have a reservation, and he says "Follow me." I look around, and there are only about 2 tables being taken. I can't believe I even got a reservation. Then I see what the reservation got me. A little back corner table in it's own niche with it's own light control. "Let's make theeze a leetle more cozy," he says as he fades the dimmer down. (I know Desirée told this story, but it was just priceless. She already had a hard time seeing things, and then she was even worse off now that he put us candlelight mode back there.) Our waiter reminded us a lot of LaFou from Beauty and the Beast (you know, Gaston's little sidekick). In fact, Desirée only got to "Have you seen Beauty and the Beast?" before I knew what she was thinking. The piano guy was old and codgery, and I loved it. He played such a bizarre mix of songs, it was great. He even ripped out a jazzy version of Ave Maria for old Easter. The dinner was excellent (although we shouldn't have eaten a late lunch), and I had to tip the pianist a couple bucks on the way out. If I won't do it, then who will?

About this time, I'm finding glitter everywhere. Desirée's seat is STILL covered in it, and she sat in my seat for a moment, so there a light sprinkling there as well. I see it everywhere at home now as well. Anywhere I go, as I walk through the room, the light hits it just right and I notice speckles everywhere. (Just a sidenote. I didn't know where else to put this.)

We make it to the musical in plenty of time. We actually get there only about 10 minutes beforehand, and strangely enough, get a better parking spot than probably 75% of the other patrons. As we're walking up, Desirée is starting to notice that there are an oddly large number of people walking into the theater in jeans and other such very low-brow quality clothing. I assure her that it is not us that are overdressed, but rather they that are underdressed (and should be ashamed of it). But what can you do? It's Texas we're living in. People think that they have their work jeans and then their GOOD jeans. Theater-worthy ones, to be sure.

I would be lying if I said we had the best seats in the house, because we didn't even have the 2nd best seats. We were pretty nosebleed. But the show was good anywhere you sat (unless it was in the back corners where the curtains screwed up seeing very important parts of the show, right Marshall?). It was entertaining, and the pyrotechnics and gunshots kept Desirée on the edge of her seat. We noticed the seat on the aisle wasn't being taken, so about 1/3 of the way through the show, I moved to that seat and put my legs out in the aisle. Oh, sweet mother. I was finally free. Just not much room for a big guy like myself up there. As the show was finishing, people were flooding out of the theater during the curtain calls. Desirée says, "What? This isn't a baseball game people!" I quite agree.

Afterwards we drove to Marshall's place, stayed there and tried to sleep for about 4 or so hours, and then got up bright (dark still actually) and early to get Desirée to the airport. She boarded about 6:45am or so, and I drove (and slept) 2 1/2 hours down the road back to Big Sandy. I played the part of zombie king at work for the rest of the day.

I have to post this now. Desirée wants to read it.

Monday, April 17, 2006

4 hours sleep + 3 hours driving + now sitting at work =

Sucktastic day.

....I'd do it all again.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

4 hours and some change until ...

...the Phantom of the Opera. Desirée is currently making herself fantastic while I sit here and blog. I don't have anywhere to get ready (I need a shower) so I'm just wasting my time here. Doop de doop de doo.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Someone is arriving in Texas in 6 hours.

She's short, has dark hair, an amazing smile, and is NOT Summer Burdette. (That was for you, Seth.)

OR the President.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

6 hours on the road, here I come!

I'm headed to the state competition in Abilene with Grace HS in a little bit. A conversation from a couple days ago with one of the smaller choirs:

Susan (the director): "Girls, Karl is going to be riding along with us in the bus!"
Girls (to me): "Do you know what you're getting into here?"

*sigh* Welcome to Feelingoldsville, population me.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Pappy's Rock -n- Bowl (or Choke on Smoke)

Saturday we had a potluck at church. I didn't have any plans for the rest of the evening, expect maybe doing a "Sonic Run" with some friends of mine ... but if something else came up instead, I think I could handle missing out on a slush. Seth asked me if I wanted to go bowling with a bunch of his friends. I said, "Why not?" I didn't realize that a bunch of his friends was the 13-16 year old crowd at church. Stand out much?

Seth's mom came by a little later, and she's asking him about who's coming and plans and such. She points at me and says, "Are you going?" I nod my head. "You're supervising." "Nooooo, now I have responsibility!" She laughs. I don't. OK, maybe I did. (I change verb tense too much, I can't help it.)

Katie Kiepke decides to come along since I can give her a ride there and back to Big Sandy, so she and I load up, I change clothes, and we head over to Kilgore, home 0' the Forrestiers. Oh, and I have my own bowling ball: I bought it at a garage sale about 13 years ago. It has it's own ball carrying case and everything. It was old then, so you KNOW it was feeling the years now. NOT to mention that I asked my mom where she thought it might be, and she said "I put it out by the woodpile. I was thinking about throwing it away." Nooooooo! You have to understand: this ball has huge finger holes, and only weighs 8 pounds. It's like chunking a softball down the alley. It's got some huge cracks in the outer shell, though. It's not a trophy bowling ball by any means. There are some freaky shards right around the thumb hole that were quite painful when I started using it. The ball bag ... now THAT was a sight to behold. All dirty on the outside, so leaves stuck to it AND inside it. I could have sold it for $100 at Hot Topic. Easy.

We get to the Forrestier's house, and we still have about 45 minutes to kill (we have a lane rented at 9pm). I come in to see the whole crew of kids wearing white shirts and ties. Not shirts that ties belong with. Just random white shirts and badly tied (and not very stylish) ties. "Good! Karl's wearing a white shirt! Give him a tie!" Well, there you have it. Seth picked out a very nice (?) vintage tie for me. You know the type. Real skinny, no one wears them anymore, etc. I made sure the little end was REEEEALLY long. Classy for sure. Katie was wearing all black, so she was given the all-white tie. She was definitely the negative of our little white shirt photo. Josh also decided he was going to wear a tall Uncle Sam hat for the extra "that's weird" effect.

We had 8 people (including myself): me (ha, I'm first), Seth, Madeline, Ashley, Josh, Lindsey, Mandy, and Katie. (The first 3 are Forrestier, the next 3 are Crockett, and the last is the long Kiepke of the bunch. Oh, and me, the ever-present Harmdierks.) The kids came out and showed off to the parents, and got the rundown (probably the 50th) of all the rules. First it was buddy system going to the bathroom, and then it turned into the triple system. Being as there were only 3 of us guys, at this point I pointed at both of them and said, "We're all using the restroom at the same time. I'm not taking a trip in there everytime someone else needs to potty." Deric gave me the keys to his van, so we all piled in there and drove down to the bowling alley (a thrilling 3 minutes away). Ugh. I hate driving other people's large vehicles.

We got in, grabbed our shoes, paid for the lane ($25 from 9pm-1am), and then started bowling. All through the evening, people were running to the jukebox and bringing up all sorts of crazy music, and eating lots of sugar, and DRINKING lots of sugar. There was more energy in our small space than I could have imagined. In between bowling frames, the girls would just start swing dancing in the floor area. I was sure they were going to spin into someone at the nearby lane and get us all kicked out. That or whenever one of them would just drop the bowling ball from chest level as their roll. Yikes. We also had a good breakout dance session to "My Humps" right in the middle of a game. We had to do team games, because you're only supposed to have 6 people on a lane anyways. So, we all split into 2-person teams based on supposed bowling skills. Mandy and I were teamed up for the first game (aptly named "Kandy") and squashed the competition by nearly 30 points. We kept our awesome twosome together for another game, and Kandy squeaked by for a last frame victory (we jumped from last to first near the end. Mandy kept either getting double gutters or strikes. Oh, and she kept telling me, "Get a strike this time, so I can get one next time." I'm thinking to myself that getting strikes is always my goal, no matter what.) Then, we switched the teams up, and I was paired with Ashley, and team "KASH" took the win again. Actually, Desirée called me after I had only bowled one frame, and by the time I got back, Ashley had wiped up the competition single-handedly. Beautiful.

Then came the switch up again, and Madeline, who had been playing horribly all night, is my new partner. Somehow against all odds, team "K-Mooooooooooo" took it home again by nearly 30 points. Somewhere in there, she decided that she was going to really step it up a notch. The granny shot was taking down pins left and right. I think maybe it was all my screaming. Finally for the last game of the night, I got Mandy back as my partner, and team "ManKarl" finished off the night with a victory. Old Blue (my bowling ball) really brought the game to the alley. ...I really don't know what that's supposed to mean. I think it's got more cracks in it, too.

Other moments of the evening:
- Played some pool with Josh and Mandy while a few last single player bowling games went on.
- Took a wrong turn at "what is this huge door, oops, the women's restroom"ville.
- Yelling "STRIIIIIKE!" everytime you bowl ... except when you get a strike.
- Getting a call from Jon's wife, Joy, when Jon was being wrongly accused by our corrupt cops of driving drunk (he had a. not drunk anything and b. was approached while gassing up his vehicle). Long story of its own. I got to hear it at the bowling alley after Jon got home.
- Watching the redneck in the lane next to ours break it down to "My Humps" along with us.
- Seeing Josh take a spill into the lane on his first frame (they didn't have enough shoes for everyone right away for some reason, and he slid right onto his butt in his sock feet).
- Watching Seth do his surfer bowling maneuver (he would roll the ball, then crouch down and thrown his right arm out behind him and just hold that position while he waited for the ball to hit the pins. He didn't even realize that he did it. I, of course, had to mimic it badly for a good laugh. "Do I do that?!").
- Getting a strike and having everyone come up and try to give me a high-five. I would always hold my hands up as high as I could, and I almost got a couple slaps in the face for it.
- ManKarl. Yeah, that was worth mentioning again.
- Getting to see teenage drama and thinking "It couldn't have been like that, could it?"
- Seeing the guy on the opposite lane from us call Josh over and ask, "What are the ties for?"
- Being in lane next to a lady who had brought a pop-up CRIB to the alley and had her 1-year old with her. I'm not sure I would want my child to be around that much second hand smoke. At least she was in a good lane. All the teenagers went over randomly and played with the baby.

All in all, it was a really good evening. I never hang out with the teenagers (or even barely talk to them), and I think they were thinking the same thing about me. But after we got in there, and we all realized we just wanted to have a lot of fun, everyone loosened up, and I was part of the gang. I'm glad I could be there as more of a friend rather than the chaperone. Who knows .. maybe I'll be the one to set something up the next time for everyone.

Or maybe I'll go get a drink.