I think I get it ....

"An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

"You're such an excellent fisherman," said the American. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, and stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA, and could help you. If you spent more time fishing, you could buy a bigger boat. Then you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then L.A., and eventually New York City, where you would run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time was right, you would announce a public offering, sell your company stock to the public, and become very rich. You would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you could retire. You know, move to a small coastal fishing village -- where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." "

Silly Mexican. He didn't even have a Master's degree. What does he know?

Woo ... that one was messy.

I've had a lot of low blood sugars in my life, but only a handful stand out from the crowd. The ones where something a little different happens. The ones where it's not just a matter of getting a glass of juice and then going on. Pretty much, one like this morning.

I don't really know exactly what happened. I know that in the early morning hours that I was doing a lot of tossing and turning. I even realized that because I woke myself up doing it. But I just tried to get some more sleep. Then the alarm went off. I turned it off and fell asleep again.

Then I remember thinking, "I need to get up." And I just tossed the covers off and marched out to the dining room table to take my blood sugar. This is where things get a little haywire. I just remember things like it was a slideshow almost. I can see myself getting all the equipment out to take my blood sugar. And then, I see myself trying to put TWO testing strips into the meter and finally snap out of that and put one back in the bottle. Then I remember trying to draw blood without actually having a lancet in the little mechanism. Finally I remedy that after looking at it a lot.

Somewhere in there I remember seeing the machine say "ERROR1" over and over, and I can't figure out why. It's because you have to slide the testing strip into the slot after it's already on, and for some reason I was turning the machine on and off over and over trying to get it to work. This is about all I remember. Finally, I got that all done, and took my blood sugar which is pretty much a miracle in these circumstances. Not that I really NEEDED to take it since I was obviously WAY low. (37 to be precise.) Oh, and I remember my dad saying, "Need some juice?" and me nodding or shaking or ... making some gutteral unintelligible noise. Glad he was able to decipher it.

So, there you have it. Strangely enough, I've had much lower blood sugars where I didn't have any of these kind of problems. I'm not sure what made this one so much worse. Oh, and then moments later (after a couple glasses of juice), I find myself in the shower. I don't know why my first inclination after going through the testing and the juice drinking was, "I need to shower." Cleanliness is next to ... uh, deadliness, I guess.

Counting carbs sucks.

Quick update:

I'm still alive.

And counting carbs sucks -- or I suck at it.

This is going to take some getting used to ...

For the first time in 18 years, I didn't take a shot this morning.

I've started using a new type of insulin. The old type I was using got discontinued (makes you start to wonder why you were using it in the first place), and the rules are out the door now. Instead of taking two overlapping long-acting shots per day, I've replaced it by taking only one overlapping much longer-acting shot per day. I took the first one last night. It's always a scary thing. How do I know that the amount of insulin the doctor told me to take is going to be right and I'm not going to die in the middle of the night?

If I'm going to eat something (carbs specifically), I take a small dose of the quick-acting (hoo boy is it quick ... starts working in 15 minutes) based on my current blood sugar and the amount of food I'm eating. So, if my blood sugar is where it's supposed to be, and I'm not eating anything .... I don't take a shot. But, this still just doesn't register. I'm sitting here at work thinking that I've forgotten something very important today.

Basically, the long-acting is much more condusive to how the healthy body works. It sets down a base amount of insulin, and it acts about the same all day long. The idea is that when you find the perfect amount that you should take, if you were to not eat all day long and only take the long-acting (Lantus is its name), that your blood sugar should stay constant all day. Unfortunately, that means there are no peaks anywhere in the insulin, and I have to get the amount of short-acting insulin perfect every time. I have a shady little outline of how I'm supposed to take a unit of insulin for every 15 grams of carbs I eat. I don't know about you, but when I sit down to dinner, I don't imagine my plate of food and think, "This is going to be 120 grams of carbs." And yes, I know that some of you out there probably do that.

So if any of you are looking for a good way to start a hard crash diet, try switching to these insulins. I got to work, and the ladies out in the next office were like, "Karl, we brought donuts in." "Score!" I think to myself. Then I realize that that's probably like ... 20 grams of carbs. Every time I decide that I want to stuff a donut in my mouth, I have to take a shot ... although I would probably decide to stuff more like 4 in my mouth if I'm going to take a shot for it. I get the feeling I am probably going to snack less now and eat larger meals if anything. And drink lots of water. (Sounded better than diet drinks *slurp*.) And then let's imagine that I fill my plate and I take a shot, and then I get done and realize that I'm still hungry. What does that mean? Either a) get over it or b) take another shot. And if I take more insulin thinking that I'm way hungry, and then I'm not? Wuh oh.

I think I forgot something this morning.

Me took a picture of Iself.

Me hungry. Want get lunch with I? Ugh.

A strange spam message.

This one at least has a URL in it so they had some agenda. But other than that, it's totally incoherent.

"Still worn all the time? I know that I definately am, that's why i was so happy when i came upon

*URL*

girl, clad only in a touchy thin bit of I arrived, on one's way to for on several post occasions from sole guessing the wonderful,"

That's it. The whole email. It ends with a comma even. Not that it made much sense up to that point.

I love people. (FOT related)

I've met a lot of people in my life so far. I've met them from every walk of life, and in lots of different places and circumstances. There are so many people to get to know out there in the world ... it's just absolutely overwhelming.

I've talked to some people and read some forums online where I frequent, and I see that a lot of the rest of the world is just not the same. I've talked to people that had never left the state they were born in, even after 20+ years of life, going to college and the like. Even in smaller states than Texas (which counts more as a country). I can't even fathom a situation like this. Even during our poorest times (which consisted of my family going to the Big Sandy feast site 10 years in a row), we still found ways to get out and do stuff. Like a family reunion up north ... or a trip to a Y.O.U. basketball tournament a state away.

And then you get online and read about some more extreme cases. On one forum, a guy was talking about his hardcore social anxiety, and the fact that he hasn't left the house in years. In fact, the only people that he has interacted with in person for the last 5 or so are his parents. Even meeting relatives is something that scared him greatly, or the idea of walking out on his front porch where people might just be able to see him. He knew it was pathetic, but there was nothing that could change his mind (so he thought) and he was content to stay in his house for the rest of his natural life.

This is a very extreme case, but it's something you see more and more of nowadays. Even if a person has no or little social anxiety, a lot of people have no reason to leave the house anymore. They get all the interaction with "people" they need on the internet. Need to bank? Internet. Want to rent a movie? NetFlix. Want to argue and Jerry Springer it out with someone without getting hit over the head with a chair? Internet.

So then I think to myself, how come I know so many people? And it almost entirely comes down to the fact that I have met and kept in contact with so many people through the church, and more specifically, the Feast of Tabernacles. I have a limited number of people that I know through the rest of my life (high school, college, local buddies), but the majority of people that I know and love are in the church. And where are they? All over the world! Multiple countries. And I don't just know them like, "Hey, I recognize your face ... you're *insert name here*". I've sat down with these people, talked to these people, joked with these people, appreciated these people. People that still keep in contact with me as often as a normal life can allow.

I feel as though God had this in mind a little when he instituted the Feast of Tabernacles. Imagine being a member of the Church, but then really knowing only 4-5 people tops that you are comfortable talking to. I'm not saying that you can't be a Godly person or a Christian without knowing multitudes of people, but it has GOT to be harder. We are to love our neighbor as ourselves ... to love the entire world's population with care and outgoing concern. Can you really grasp that concept if your entire world is only about 3 blocks wide + the local supermarket? The Feast of Tabernacles gets us out of our comfort zone, moves us around, but then groups us up with people of like mind. From all over the place, too! These people that you enjoy being with and talking to are from 3000 miles of real estate. Then you stay in contact -- talk to them over long distances, enjoy their companionship, reminisce about the good times and make plans for the next. I don't know how I could possibly imagine only having 3-4 people I could call a good friend. Or a friend at all!

Then this moves on to more aspects of your life. I recently went to a music meet-up with a group from the internet. Years ago this kind of idea would have scared me, but the chance that one of them is a serial killer is as a much a chance as the guy walking past me at the local Chik-Fil-A. So, I go down (up I guess) to the weekend hangout, have a blast, and meet a lot of really cool people. And the next thing you know, they're talking to you more online, sending you emails, remembering the good times, and planning when the next time everyone can hang out again is. And now I'm what? Up to about 0.00000000001% of the world's population? There are so many more people to get to know.

The Feast of Tabernacles has a very profound meaning in the plan of God as it symbolizes 1,000 years of Christ's reign on this earth. A truly awesome time in the history of mankind. There are so many different lessons that are taught when we attend the FOT, and I'm hard-pressed to believe that this was just a coincidence in the big plan. For some reason, I'm often reminded of this passage in the OT where Elijah was getting all depressed about being the sole person that believed and obeyed God:

I Kings 19:13-18 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?
14 And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.
15 And the LORD said unto him, Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou comest, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria:
16 And Jehu the son of Nimshi shalt thou anoint to be king over Israel: and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abelmeholah shalt thou anoint to be prophet in thy room.
17 And it shall come to pass, that him that escapeth the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay: and him that escapeth from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha slay.
18 Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.

No need to feel lonely out there, because there are a ton of people in this world that truly care about you. Just jump online and send one of them an IM. Maybe you'll see them in a couple months. Oh, and try to meet a couple more neighbors along the way, too. You might be surprised how much you love them.

A little harmless impersonation.

In a recent e-mail to David:

"I think I'll finish this email out as a Josh Kerr blog entry.

See how it works? You just write a random line about something.

And then you double space, and then talk about something else.

I hit people in the nuts with my hockey stick.

I ate something that made my mouth taste like glue.

I did something bad. Why do I do bad things? I shouldn't do bad things.

You know, sometimes I don't understand my motivation. I can't feel things the way I want.

I looked for emotion today. I found it in a garbage can. It waved to me and offered me a cookie.

Although his recent post about not going to a wedding on the Sabbath is dead-on.

I looked for love. And I found it. In my cousin David."

Whoa, what da?! Who's blog are you reading?? Confusing, isn't it!

Today's excitement.

[17:32] pimpacr0mbie: ???????????/
[17:32] Bladiator: err
[17:33] pimpacr0mbie: dood
[17:33] pimpacr0mbie: wtf
[17:33] Bladiator: dood
[17:33] Bladiator: who is this
[17:33] pimpacr0mbie: this Blade from TN/
[17:33] Bladiator: nope
[17:33] Bladiator: sorry

Seriously. pimpacr0mbie. What a horrible name.